Images of Ghana

The Presidential Palace -- had to sneak a picture as we are not supposed to take pictures of the presidential residence, but I couldn't resist. What is even more amazing about this building is the fact that so much money was poured into its development and construction while the roads need repair and the country needs a constant source of electricity and clean water.

There are hills and mountains in this country, even near the coast. Most of them didn't translate to film, but seeing them spring up as we drove was amazing.

A carpenter in Teshie (just outside of Accra) constructed a fancy coffin for his uncle. Now coffin sculptures are a booming industry, in the shape of fish to Mercedes Benz to anything the heart can imagine.

Tooth brushing parties and fun around the resort

Not entirely sure how it got started (I think I was trying to convince C, our friend's 3 yo to brush his teeth), but the kids all love to have a tooth brushing party. Eddie and Lydia would brush their teeth 5x a day if I let them -- I have never met any children as excited as these two to brush their teeth. So we "brusha, brusha, bruuussshhhh" all day long and enjoy every minute of our clean pearly whites. :)

Some other photos from our time around Coconut Grove Beach Resort:

Dinner in the cabana (where our noise won't disturb other guests as much)

Eddie with Mommy's iPod -- take note Daddy: I think a certain 6yo needs his own MP3 player for his birthday!

A painted fishing canoe and the sea at dusk

Lunch on the patio of our rooms (and where we can "line" dry our laundry)

Beautiful horses ties outside our rooms -- so nice to wake up to this view

Reality Check

I don't want everyone to think that the attachment process between the kids and I, nor the trip, has been all sweetness and love. There have been a lot of hard times thus far, and I anticipate there will be plenty more challenges in the days ahead. However, I think that it is important as a mother of children who were adopted to be honest about the challenges that our family has faced, are still facing, and might face in the future. Silence will not help other families who are considering this path, or who are walking it and feeling alone in their struggles.

I think I have come to the understanding with these two kids that we are currently in a process of two steps forward, one step back. For several days earlier this week I was feeling like it was one step forward, two steps back, so there is progress. The face above is what I see most of the time with Lydia. She shuts down completely for ... I'm still trying to figure that out. I do know that if I don't feed her regularly (every two to three hours) that I will have a very angry, sullen girl on my hands. She also does not like it if I need to comfort her brother, want to play with her brother, or pay attention to anyone else (talk to Hannah, order food from the wait staff, etc.). Any by angry, I mean angry like I haven't seen. First, she shuts down, like above. Then if I haven't caught on to the situation she starts to throw things; whatever is close to hand will suffice: shoes, cups, toys, food. If that still does not elicit the response that she wants (usually my picking her up), than she starts to destroy whatever is left near her by tearing it, shredding it, breaking into the smallest pieces. I think the hardest part of these episodes for me isn't the crying or tempers, but the fact that I can't communicate with her while she feels this way. I can't even speak to her in her language other than to say "Ka fu" (don't cry), or mifenebo (what's wrong?) or misonobo (I love you). Somehow when she, or Eddie, is so distraught those three phrases do not seem adequate.

Using the bathroom is another struggle we have been facing. Both Edward and Lydia did not use the loo prior to living in the foster home, which I believe was in October. So, while they can control their bladders for most times, going to the actual loo/bathroom can be a battle. In fact, when Lydia is particularly agree she will wee (pee) where ever. She has wee'd on the sidewalk in front of our hotel room, on the floor of our room, on the bed, in a chair at the restaurant, on the floor of the restaurant, and on the patio of our hotel room. None of these are accidents. For example, when she wee'd on the bed she shouted "Momma" (big accomplishment finally being called Momma by my girl!!!) and then proceeded to do her business and giggle. Accidents while she sleeps we were warned of, but the purposeful peeing everywhere just kills me. She is old enough to remove the diapers when I try to put her in them, but I am at a loss of what else to do. That said, she did wear a diaper yesterday morning and we have not had a wee incident since. Hopefully that is one of our steps forward, but I will continue to be vigilant of the signs that the struggle might need to be attended to again.

Edward is not without his own struggles with Momma. He misses Chris and doesn't understand why Chris had to go to America without him. He will cry and wail now, with sound whereas when he first came to us the tears would rain down without a sound, and I have no idea why. He does get jealous of the attention his sister gets from me, which requires a delicate balancing act. He wants me to carry him like I carry his sister, quite an arm full! Sharing food is an issue, but it isn't always THE issue that leads to his meltdowns. I guess that I have not been able to decipher his cues like I have his sister's to an extent.

Then there are the conditions that the children live in here in Ghana. The foster family is so wonderful. They have taken into their home 27 children, but they don't have the space for all these children. I was led into the house during one of our visits by several of the children and I was amazed by the size that isn't there. People in my neighborhood are worried that the new houses base has built us (2200-2300 sqft) won't be adequate and this family and these children live in a 15x20 room with peeling laminate flooring. There are two small refrigerators to hold their food and a television in the corner of the room. There were two small back rooms in the house that I didn't see, and the laundry/cooking area. No running water that I could see -- outhouses and chamber pots served as the loo. The dirt lot pictured above is where the kids play around piles of garbage and the outhouses. I think what got to me the most wasn't the living conditions but the small voices begging "Please, madam. Please. May I have some water?" as the kids got not enough clean water to drink everyday and were in awe of our canteens filled with water to drink as we felt needed/wanted.

So while the kids and I are having a lot of fun getting to know each other, we are still getting to know each other. There are trials and tribulations as we feel each other out and learn what makes each other tick. I think the picture above of HC shows how all seven of us (the Merrills and Sneddens) feel from time to time. Some more often than others. But we are learning and growing.

Please pray that the children's Ghanaian passports are issued on Monday so we can schedule our visa appointment the following week. While we are still on schedule to leave on the 20th it was hard to hear today that the possibility of leaving a week early no longer exists and we will all be here for the full month.

Paradise

We have moved from Accra to Cape Coast/Elmina. Our hotel room is literally steps from the beach (Gulf of Guinea), pool, playground, and restaurant. Today there is a horse tied up outside our door. This is the perfect place to wait out the issuing of the kids passports, the last step before we can apply for a visa home.

More pics

While the internet is still working well, here are a few more photos from our week in Ghana thus far.

Sunday:

Lydia eating some candy we brought as a treat to the foster home. Notice, she also is clutching two rocket balloons and a plastic slinky. These kids don't understand what it means to have something that is "theirs" and theirs alone. At first she just didn't trust anything about us, let alone that we would provide for her.

Edward's face is priceless -- I have just given him is first pair of closed-toe shoes and socks. Size 9 on a 5 year old boy. Too small, but the kid doesn't care -- he is going to wear them, and wear them with PRIDE. I just want to eat him up!

Can you imagine what America could be like if more of our children were this excited, truly excited over a pair of shoes???

Monday:

While Chris went to the USCIS appointment without me (more on that later), I stayed at the hotel with the kids and played in the courtyard. Edward grabbed my sunglasses and thought he was a funny man. Personally, I think he looks pretty handsome. What do you think?

This play time was after lunch and a rest, and Lydia opened up to me for the first time, laughing and yelling at the TV (football was on -- think she's gonna be like her Momma!). Once we got outside she thought the courtyard wall was a good place to check out the flowers and watch her brother and I kick around the ball.

Edward showing me some of his football moves/skills. I think Mommy can learn a lot just from watching his natural interaction with the ball. Those older boys at the foster home were AMAZING with the soccer ball!

Tuesday:

This is Lydia when she is upset about something. Chris says she starts to "turtle". She really does start to withdraw into herself when upset. What upsets her can be that food is not provided fast enough to fill her hungry stomach, waiting for water (or not knowing how to ask for it), Edward playing with her toy, Mommy playing with Edward, Daddy trying to play with her (though that is getting better and better), to not wanting to do what it is we are doing. Thankfully I am learning some of the language, and she is starting to learn ours, plus I am learning her cues, so the withdrawal periods are getting less and less. However, the crying is getting more and more, as both she and Edward are learning that if they cry someone will care for their needs. When we first picked them up on Sunday there were silent teardrops the size of Niagra Falls running down their faces. Now we have sobs. I'll take the sobs for now.

Edward playing football with Daddy in the hotel courtyard. This boy adores his Daddy. He mimicks Chris in word and deed, learning more and more English every day. He is starting to teach Chris and I some of his language, but mostly laughs when we repeat him -- he even told one of the staff this morning (Friday) that Chris "doesn't know how to speak" when asked why he was laughing. Sounds like he'll get along with our nephew, Andrew, who told Chris years ago "You speak funny Russian" :)

Thursday:

More pictures from the pool. The other family with us here at the hotel is from the LA area and I am so glad to have them on this voyage with us. Their 3 year old son C is one of the coolest kids around. Tonight we realized that C has taught Edward and Lydia the Umpa Lumpa song from Willy Wonka as they sat at the dinner table repeating the refrain over and over and over again :) Plus, Lydia loves the S family's son HC who was in the same foster family. Having friends nearby to share these memories and forever family celebrations is priceless -- as my Guatemalan blog and FB friends can attest!

Edward and Chris in the hotel pool. One look at that little boy's face and there is no doubt how he feels about his Daddy (he's still trying to figure me out).

I-600 Approval and PICS!

First, I have to say that the internet is working much better today than yesterday when we got a new converter for our power plug (Chris blew our first converter the first night and I ran on battery juice until I was out on Tuesday just after I posted). One of the first things we found when we checked email today is that our I-600 immigration paperwork was approved! This means that the US gov't has cleared Edward and Lydia as orphans that are eligible for visas to enter the United States. Now we wait for their Ghanaian passports (they are Ghanaian citizens until they have lived in the US for 6 months since we didn't meet them prior to the adoption decree by the Ghanaian government) and then apply for their visa to enter the US. If all continues to go as it has, Percy, our coordinator, thinks we might be able to pick up our visas in TWO WEEKS (one less than originally thought and planned!!!!). So, we are asking all our friends and extended family for continued prayers that paperwork progresses smoothly and in perfect time.

Now, what you have been waiting for: some pics of the kiddos. I just grabbed four from yesterday, a pretty perfect Ghanaian Thanksgiving. More to come later and soon.

Edward watching the short video of Elena and Garrett welcoming them to the family

Lydia thinks Garrett is hysterical already -- she has even started mimicking him "Hi Ed-dy."

My water girl

My handsome boy

Warm ups and cool downs

Today has been another great day. We visited the market in town that specializes in African goods made by Africans. So many amazing handy crafts -- it was sensory overload for Mommy. We walked away with a couple of drums (big and small), a couple of flutes, some kish-kash, a mask, some beads, and new waist beads for L when she is bigger.

The sites here are searing. I can't get out of my mind the state of some of the houses here, and then to compare that to the demeanor of the people who are so thankful for all the good they have in their lives. We as consumers in America could learn a lot. I have a feeling after a month here I will be a changed woman.

L is having a hard time. She is growing more attached to me, but she does not want anything at all to do with Chris. This has been very hard for him, for his little girl to press against the wall to get away from him is not something he is used to with any child, let alone his. Yet, when L and I are alone together for any space of time, she starts to smile and giggle and is quite comfortable snuggling into me. Please pray that we find a good balance for helping her to adjust to us while she still misses her first family (that she has finally admitted to me).

E on the other hand is really coming alive in front of us. He is a smile from ear to ear. It makes me smile just remembering all of his -- kind of like our other little boy who has an infectious laugh and smile. As I type right now, E is drumming a wonderful beat on the drum. Amazing. Chris says that he is talking and using English words with him when they are alone. Such a different experience the boy with the Daddy and the girl with the Mommy.

We have also been blessed to have developed strong bonds with another family who is here to adopt a little precious boy, H. Hannah and Steven are like long lost family and I am amazed (have I used that word enough in this post?) at all we share outside of adoption as well. We are very fortunate to have good friends here at the hotel for the next month while we complete our adoption, and then to have them just north of us in Hollywood. I think it will be good for the kiddos that they have a community in the area of children who have been adopted from Ghana to play with on occasion.

Well, I think we need to go play some in the courtyard before getting some more dinner (have I written yet about the incredible food here at the hotel?? More on that later). Please pray for deepening bonds of attachment and for the children as they mourn their first family and the life they are losing here in Ghana. Also, please pray for Chris's mom as she watches over Garrett and Elena while we are here -- there are times we miss those two it hurts, but we know that it is better to be forming these first bonds without competition. Much love to all!

In AFRICA!!!

We are here and life is GOOD!

We landed yesterday morning and after a brief stop at the hotel we headed to the foster home to see the kids. Oh my goodness, were they all sooooo beautiful. One little one walked straight into Chris's arms and just wanted to stay. Thankfully J does have a family going through the process to bring him home, or Chris and I might have been finding a way to bring home another :)

E and L are doing very well. We have had some periods of sadness -- but both Chris and I think that it is good they are mourning in front of us. Of course, those periods of sadness are often over come by laughter -- especially E's laughter. And most of his sadness is a result of not being able to communicate with us. For example, at lunch today big tears started rolling down his face. After I found a staff member who could help me translate, it was simply that he wanted some water in addition to his pineapple juice and didn't know how to ask. Mommy is slowly starting to catch on to their cues. I have even been treated to L giggles and smiles, and she shared her straw with me at lunch. I have pictures to upload, but the computer is running out of battery and we fried the converter last night so they will have to wait.

Immigration went well today. Our coordinator in Accra, Percy, says that we "should not lose hope" that we will be home by Christmas. I am confident that immigration will go smoothly, the kids Ghanaian passports will be issued shortly, and the visa appointment will be icing on the cake. Any prayers to that end will be greatly appreciated, as are prayers for the children in this beautiful country who are hurt, sad, or hungry this holiday season. There is so much that we can do here, Chris and I are planning already!

Much love!

Packing List and Final Details

So you might be wondering just what I might need to pack for a month plus in Ghana. Well, thanks to some wonderful friends that I have yet to meet in person that have traveled this road before our family, I was able to draft a packing list. Hopefully my version of the packing list will help other families who are preparing to adopt from Africa, if not Ghana specifically.

Packing List for Ghana:

Medication/Hygiene Needs for Adults

First Aid Kit (Betadine or similar, band-aids, moleskin for blisters, small scissors, tape, gauze, gloves, Benadryl, alcohol wipes, tweezers)

Surface Disinfectant (wipes) (travel size Lysol or Clorox wipes)

Medications: Prescriptions, Hydocortisone, Lotrimin, Clotrimazole

Cipro & Immodium, Pepto, Anti-Malaria, decongestant, Tums

Pain relievers: Tylenol, Motrin, aspirin

Electrolyte powder (crystal light, lipton iced tea packets, or Kelloggs Fiber water packets)

Mosquito repellant w/DEET (75% or higher)

mosquito net for sleeping

Sunscreen

Hand sanitizer (pocket size and larger size)

Airborne, Vitamin C

Qtips, cotton balls

Feminine products

toilet paper

Heat pads/biofreeze (for sore muscles)

Travel Needs

Travel Kleenex

Travel Alarm clock

Small Flashlight (w/o batteries?)

Sink stopper, stain stick, laundry soap, clothes line

Small bottle of dish soap

Money Belt

Passport holder (neck – for airport only)

Ziploc bags (airport and other asst’d sizes)

Febreeze,

Downy Wrinkle Releaser

Small Travel Pillows

Converter, plug adapter (w/ 220 wattage option)

Swiss army knife

hand held electric fan

Extra duffle or two (for gifts on return trip)

steel water bottles

sterilizing pen for water bottles or sterilizing bottle

books to read

Backpack

Snacks

Instant Oatmeal, trail mix, protein bars. granola bars, ramen noodles, tuna packs, crackers, PB, sunflower seeds, dried fruit, MREs

favorite teas

bowls, spoons

Documents & Office Supplies

Passports (and copies x2)

Copy of Dossier (x3)

(X3 copies of all documents is recommended)

Referral information

driver's licenses

copy of insurance information

emergency contact numbers

Vaccination records (our travel vaccination record)

Journal, black pens in baggies. Pencils, calculator, paper

clips, mini-stapler & staples

Photos of family to share

laptop

digital camera, camcorder (extra battery, memory cards)

iPod -- chargers, connectors

blank cds to burn pics

Gifts, hand-outs, gift bags/tissue paper (kids: pencils, pencil sharpeners, crayons, erasers, wrapped candy, stickers, post cards. in-country coordinator: foster mother: orphanage director: orphanage caregivers: card w/ note and $20 each Guest house employees: )

Adult Clothes

Beckie:

4 pairs lightweight pants/capris

3 skirts

8-10 shirts/blouses

1 sweater, black long sleeve top (for travel)

clothes for hotel lounging

bathing suit

Pjs

Shoes (clogs, flip flops, mules), Socks, Footies

Bandanas/headscarves

Packable hat

Underwear

rain coat

slippers for in guest house

Chris:

3-4 prs lightweight pants 3-4 shirts

1 dress shirt

1 pr shorts (for hotel)

5-6 shirts

Bathing suit

Sleep shirt

1 sweater/sweatshirt

Shoes (tennis shoes, tevas)

Socks

Hat

Underwear

Travel outfit

rain coat

slippers for in guest house

Cosmetics/Toiletries

Shampoo/Conditioner

Soap

Shave Lotion/razor

Cosmetics & face wash/lotion

Body Lotion

Deodorant

Tooth paste, brush

Bobby pins

Lip balm

wash cloths

travel hairdryer w/ dual wattage

Kiddo Clothes

Edward:

4-5 comfy outfits

1-2 dressy outfits

Socks

shoes

2 warm outfits for trip home

Pjs

bathing suit

underwear

Lydia:

4-5 comfy outfits

1-2 dressy outfits

socks

shoes

2 warm outfits for trip home

Pjs

bathing suit

underwear

Kiddo Medication/Hygiene Needs

Thermometer

Gas drops

Children’s Tylenol, Motrin

Orajel

Ear ache drops (anesthetic)

1% Hydrocortizone

Children’s repellent with DEET (up to 50%)

Saline

Kiddo Needs

2 yd cloth

Plastic bags for trash (hotel and airplane)

bowl, spoon

Few toys

Kiddo Toiletries

kiddo Wash and shampoo

baby wipes

Today has been spent getting the final preparations ready for travel. I have found the last items from the packing list that I still needed and am making the third copy of my paperwork. Tonight I need to prepare our presents for our coordinator and foster family. The big gift for both is a framed print of Oceanside Pier that I have taken in the past month. Hopefully they will enjoy it, and we are also giving the foster family a jar of shells and our coordinator an Obama t-shirt (he's a BIG fan). Part of me thinks that I am still forgetting something important, but I have time still to check and triple-check our lists again. Oh, plus I need to prep the photo albums for Eddie and Lydia so they can start learning the faces that already love them. Gonna be a fun, short night before we hit the highway at 3 AM to catch our flight!

Next time I post I'll be overseas!!!! Please leave any comments you want me to actually read and respond to on here directly. Otherwise, I'll be able to read all the FB comments when I return next month. God bless, Happy Thanksgiving, and Merry Christmas!

Leaving on a jet plane ...

So the week has finally come when I am getting on a jet plane and flying into the sunrise to pick up our children. Needless to say, there is a mixture of excitement, stress, and concern in the Merrill household. Mostly Daddy and Frick and Frack are concerned (Chris for my safety, G and E because I'll be "far, far away"). However all the stress and concern is well-tempered with the hopes and prayers that by Christmas we will be united as a family of SIX!!! So, as you can see above, I'm gathering all my goodies into one area and getting ready to pack. Of course, the rest of the house is looking like a tornado blew threw, but hey, something has to give. Tomorrow I pick up my mother-in-law from the airport. Dear Sherri is staying at the house to help Chris out with Garrett and Elena while I'm away and, I found out today, she's going to stay through Christmas to celebrate with us and Mick (my FIL) will fly in for or just after Christmas to meet his new grandkids! Hooray!!!

This blog will be the best way to track my progress in Ghana. I'll try to record my travels and upload photos as I can. Most likely I will not be able to get on FB. Please keep sending prayers for a smooth and expedited process. With all the American and Ghanaian holidays between now and the new year, we are going to need them to be home on the 20th of December.

Alright, guess I need to get back to my TO DO list (and yes, TO DO is in capitals because I have so much to do before leaving for a foreign country for a month!). Laters!

Big doings

Alright, so I have decided that it is finally time to post on here what has been happening in our family that has been keeping us very busy.

When Chris and I first decided to adopt again we started looking at photolistings of waiting children. Part of this was to see if our kids were already available for adoption and waiting for us, and part of it was some kind of torture that we adoptive mommies do to ourselves to bide the time until our kids do come home. Well, RainbowKids, one of the best photolisting sites available, sent an email last Saturday with a brother and sister waiting to be adopted in Ghana. These two beautiful children just stole Chris and my hearts! Unfortunately, because of the status of international adoptions today we cannot share any distinguishing information about the brother and sister until we pass court and they legally become our children.

That said, Chris and I started the process to complete our dossier for Ghana. It is so simple compared to other dossiers, like for Guatemala or Ethiopia, and I didn't think that either of those document collections were particularly difficult. Today I am headed to the San Diego USCIS office to drop off our application to bring home these children and hopefully I'll leave with our fingerprint appointment. Once our homestudy is completed in two weeks (just after we move into the new house) than I'll walk that in and hopefully we can go back 1 week later for our approval. If that is the case, Chris and I could be travelling as soon as September to pick up our new children!!!!

At this time, please pray that these kids remain healthy, for the caregivers in their orphanage, and that our house closes on time so that we can finalize our portion of the process. Thanks!

Photography class pics

My graduate!

Friday was a big day in the Merrill household -- our first child graduated (from preschool)! Here are some photos from the celebration with Garrett's class:

Garrett and his crony, Charlie (or Charlie Charley as G likes to call him). Thick as thieves are these two!

The whole class lined up to do a little performance of "We're going on a bear hunt"

Marching through the wheat field (love that sly grin of his!)

Climbing up the big tree

Looking with our camera

Creeping in the cave

Running all the way back home

Getting his certificate of achievement (he thought that he had to hold the certificate up over his face, so this was the best shot I got)

The proud graduates (Maya, Luke, Garrett, Avery, and Becca)

Thank you Miss Rosemary for a wonderful year! Garrett loves you!

Shhhh ...

The other morning I was working on my Uppercase Living order and realized the kids had been quiet for a while -- too quiet. So I walked through the house looking for them to see Garrett's door was closed.

Here is what greeted me when I opend the door -- Evidence #1

Hmm, this little grin is too sweet -- must be guilty of something -- and the evidence is all around him!

Little sister was too busy applying the evidence to her legs to notice Mommy had crept into the room:

"Mommy, I told you I needed bandaids for my booboos!"

"I had owies that needed bandaids. Don't you know that this look is the latest style in medical care????"

Really can't get mad at them for this. Of course, have to hit the store for more bandaids because they are either all over my children or all over the floor.

**Note: Elena later showed me her bare legs (i.e. missing all the previously applied bandaids) and proudly proclaimed "My booboos all better -- bandaids do work!" Yeah, gotta love 3 year olds!

Soccer

My soccer team -- GO WILDFIRES!!!!

Happy Birthday Elena!

Happy third birthday, beautiful baby girl! 

You have grown so much and become a force of nature. Your  laughter and spirit light our world and we can't imagine what our lives were like without you. 

Have a blessed day full of more laughter and love!