Images from the coast

Saturday was our last day at the beach, plus we finally went out into the town to explore a little.

Another adoptive family showed up at the resort to spend a weekend with us, and the kids were so excited to be reunited with their foster brother. So excited in fact, that E and L decided to stay back at the resort and play in the pool and at the beach rather than head out with their mother to the slave castles.

Here are some photos from my morning/afternoon reprieve and of the local sights:

Fishing boats ashore (en route to Cape Coast from Elmina)

Fishing village -- wow. Road side "stores" with goods ranging from coconuts to tires and everything in between. Thatched roofs. Can't even comprehend.

Cape Coast Castle. Some form of trading fort/slave trade center since the 1400s. Also the first place the missionaries introduced formal education in Ghana. The school was directly atop the male slave dungeon. The best and worst of human endeavors. Listening to the tour guide literally made me sick to my stomach. If only all Americans could experience this to learn -- my former students take note: You would do well to visit here!

The center of a fishing community, right outside the castle walls. Amazing to watch them and see how beautiful the scenery is, yet cannot contrast that with the violence we as humans did to each other in this location.

Fishing nets and boats every where

Lots of signs/billboards across the land celebrating the visit of President Obama this past summer. The locals believe the world has real possibility with their current president and our president. Hopefully neither will let them down.

Elmina harbor. Wish I could post the sounds and smells from there too.

The streets in Elmina

A primary school just outside of Elmina

Finishing the day/evening with a swim in the resort pool. All of these children are so man starved. Stephen has been inundated with small people all visit. :)

Sunset

The kids' foster brother, J. What a different little man at the resort than we saw at the foster home. AND he gets to go home to America on Tuesday!!!!

Brother/sister sweetness. What a perfect ending to a pretty perfect day and week at the coast!

Images of Ghana

The Presidential Palace -- had to sneak a picture as we are not supposed to take pictures of the presidential residence, but I couldn't resist. What is even more amazing about this building is the fact that so much money was poured into its development and construction while the roads need repair and the country needs a constant source of electricity and clean water.

There are hills and mountains in this country, even near the coast. Most of them didn't translate to film, but seeing them spring up as we drove was amazing.

A carpenter in Teshie (just outside of Accra) constructed a fancy coffin for his uncle. Now coffin sculptures are a booming industry, in the shape of fish to Mercedes Benz to anything the heart can imagine.

Tooth brushing parties and fun around the resort

Not entirely sure how it got started (I think I was trying to convince C, our friend's 3 yo to brush his teeth), but the kids all love to have a tooth brushing party. Eddie and Lydia would brush their teeth 5x a day if I let them -- I have never met any children as excited as these two to brush their teeth. So we "brusha, brusha, bruuussshhhh" all day long and enjoy every minute of our clean pearly whites. :)

Some other photos from our time around Coconut Grove Beach Resort:

Dinner in the cabana (where our noise won't disturb other guests as much)

Eddie with Mommy's iPod -- take note Daddy: I think a certain 6yo needs his own MP3 player for his birthday!

A painted fishing canoe and the sea at dusk

Lunch on the patio of our rooms (and where we can "line" dry our laundry)

Beautiful horses ties outside our rooms -- so nice to wake up to this view

Reality Check

I don't want everyone to think that the attachment process between the kids and I, nor the trip, has been all sweetness and love. There have been a lot of hard times thus far, and I anticipate there will be plenty more challenges in the days ahead. However, I think that it is important as a mother of children who were adopted to be honest about the challenges that our family has faced, are still facing, and might face in the future. Silence will not help other families who are considering this path, or who are walking it and feeling alone in their struggles.

I think I have come to the understanding with these two kids that we are currently in a process of two steps forward, one step back. For several days earlier this week I was feeling like it was one step forward, two steps back, so there is progress. The face above is what I see most of the time with Lydia. She shuts down completely for ... I'm still trying to figure that out. I do know that if I don't feed her regularly (every two to three hours) that I will have a very angry, sullen girl on my hands. She also does not like it if I need to comfort her brother, want to play with her brother, or pay attention to anyone else (talk to Hannah, order food from the wait staff, etc.). Any by angry, I mean angry like I haven't seen. First, she shuts down, like above. Then if I haven't caught on to the situation she starts to throw things; whatever is close to hand will suffice: shoes, cups, toys, food. If that still does not elicit the response that she wants (usually my picking her up), than she starts to destroy whatever is left near her by tearing it, shredding it, breaking into the smallest pieces. I think the hardest part of these episodes for me isn't the crying or tempers, but the fact that I can't communicate with her while she feels this way. I can't even speak to her in her language other than to say "Ka fu" (don't cry), or mifenebo (what's wrong?) or misonobo (I love you). Somehow when she, or Eddie, is so distraught those three phrases do not seem adequate.

Using the bathroom is another struggle we have been facing. Both Edward and Lydia did not use the loo prior to living in the foster home, which I believe was in October. So, while they can control their bladders for most times, going to the actual loo/bathroom can be a battle. In fact, when Lydia is particularly agree she will wee (pee) where ever. She has wee'd on the sidewalk in front of our hotel room, on the floor of our room, on the bed, in a chair at the restaurant, on the floor of the restaurant, and on the patio of our hotel room. None of these are accidents. For example, when she wee'd on the bed she shouted "Momma" (big accomplishment finally being called Momma by my girl!!!) and then proceeded to do her business and giggle. Accidents while she sleeps we were warned of, but the purposeful peeing everywhere just kills me. She is old enough to remove the diapers when I try to put her in them, but I am at a loss of what else to do. That said, she did wear a diaper yesterday morning and we have not had a wee incident since. Hopefully that is one of our steps forward, but I will continue to be vigilant of the signs that the struggle might need to be attended to again.

Edward is not without his own struggles with Momma. He misses Chris and doesn't understand why Chris had to go to America without him. He will cry and wail now, with sound whereas when he first came to us the tears would rain down without a sound, and I have no idea why. He does get jealous of the attention his sister gets from me, which requires a delicate balancing act. He wants me to carry him like I carry his sister, quite an arm full! Sharing food is an issue, but it isn't always THE issue that leads to his meltdowns. I guess that I have not been able to decipher his cues like I have his sister's to an extent.

Then there are the conditions that the children live in here in Ghana. The foster family is so wonderful. They have taken into their home 27 children, but they don't have the space for all these children. I was led into the house during one of our visits by several of the children and I was amazed by the size that isn't there. People in my neighborhood are worried that the new houses base has built us (2200-2300 sqft) won't be adequate and this family and these children live in a 15x20 room with peeling laminate flooring. There are two small refrigerators to hold their food and a television in the corner of the room. There were two small back rooms in the house that I didn't see, and the laundry/cooking area. No running water that I could see -- outhouses and chamber pots served as the loo. The dirt lot pictured above is where the kids play around piles of garbage and the outhouses. I think what got to me the most wasn't the living conditions but the small voices begging "Please, madam. Please. May I have some water?" as the kids got not enough clean water to drink everyday and were in awe of our canteens filled with water to drink as we felt needed/wanted.

So while the kids and I are having a lot of fun getting to know each other, we are still getting to know each other. There are trials and tribulations as we feel each other out and learn what makes each other tick. I think the picture above of HC shows how all seven of us (the Merrills and Sneddens) feel from time to time. Some more often than others. But we are learning and growing.

Please pray that the children's Ghanaian passports are issued on Monday so we can schedule our visa appointment the following week. While we are still on schedule to leave on the 20th it was hard to hear today that the possibility of leaving a week early no longer exists and we will all be here for the full month.

Paradise

We have moved from Accra to Cape Coast/Elmina. Our hotel room is literally steps from the beach (Gulf of Guinea), pool, playground, and restaurant. Today there is a horse tied up outside our door. This is the perfect place to wait out the issuing of the kids passports, the last step before we can apply for a visa home.

More pics

While the internet is still working well, here are a few more photos from our week in Ghana thus far.

Sunday:

Lydia eating some candy we brought as a treat to the foster home. Notice, she also is clutching two rocket balloons and a plastic slinky. These kids don't understand what it means to have something that is "theirs" and theirs alone. At first she just didn't trust anything about us, let alone that we would provide for her.

Edward's face is priceless -- I have just given him is first pair of closed-toe shoes and socks. Size 9 on a 5 year old boy. Too small, but the kid doesn't care -- he is going to wear them, and wear them with PRIDE. I just want to eat him up!

Can you imagine what America could be like if more of our children were this excited, truly excited over a pair of shoes???

Monday:

While Chris went to the USCIS appointment without me (more on that later), I stayed at the hotel with the kids and played in the courtyard. Edward grabbed my sunglasses and thought he was a funny man. Personally, I think he looks pretty handsome. What do you think?

This play time was after lunch and a rest, and Lydia opened up to me for the first time, laughing and yelling at the TV (football was on -- think she's gonna be like her Momma!). Once we got outside she thought the courtyard wall was a good place to check out the flowers and watch her brother and I kick around the ball.

Edward showing me some of his football moves/skills. I think Mommy can learn a lot just from watching his natural interaction with the ball. Those older boys at the foster home were AMAZING with the soccer ball!

Tuesday:

This is Lydia when she is upset about something. Chris says she starts to "turtle". She really does start to withdraw into herself when upset. What upsets her can be that food is not provided fast enough to fill her hungry stomach, waiting for water (or not knowing how to ask for it), Edward playing with her toy, Mommy playing with Edward, Daddy trying to play with her (though that is getting better and better), to not wanting to do what it is we are doing. Thankfully I am learning some of the language, and she is starting to learn ours, plus I am learning her cues, so the withdrawal periods are getting less and less. However, the crying is getting more and more, as both she and Edward are learning that if they cry someone will care for their needs. When we first picked them up on Sunday there were silent teardrops the size of Niagra Falls running down their faces. Now we have sobs. I'll take the sobs for now.

Edward playing football with Daddy in the hotel courtyard. This boy adores his Daddy. He mimicks Chris in word and deed, learning more and more English every day. He is starting to teach Chris and I some of his language, but mostly laughs when we repeat him -- he even told one of the staff this morning (Friday) that Chris "doesn't know how to speak" when asked why he was laughing. Sounds like he'll get along with our nephew, Andrew, who told Chris years ago "You speak funny Russian" :)

Thursday:

More pictures from the pool. The other family with us here at the hotel is from the LA area and I am so glad to have them on this voyage with us. Their 3 year old son C is one of the coolest kids around. Tonight we realized that C has taught Edward and Lydia the Umpa Lumpa song from Willy Wonka as they sat at the dinner table repeating the refrain over and over and over again :) Plus, Lydia loves the S family's son HC who was in the same foster family. Having friends nearby to share these memories and forever family celebrations is priceless -- as my Guatemalan blog and FB friends can attest!

Edward and Chris in the hotel pool. One look at that little boy's face and there is no doubt how he feels about his Daddy (he's still trying to figure me out).